


Enough

by johnnyjakjohn



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Ending, Diary/Journal, Insecurity, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-10-26 07:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20738738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnnyjakjohn/pseuds/johnnyjakjohn
Summary: What was Sora thinking?





	1. Enough

_ I’m not jealous anymore. I can tell myself that, for sure. _

_ Maybe I’ll never go back to Destiny Islands. No, I don’t want that! Do I? I did think about it for a moment. Kiari has to miss me. I promised I’d get back, but I don’t know how to. Would I just being doing it for her? Donald and Goofy are unsure too. There’s so many questions up in the air, and I don’t have the answers. I’ll just have to ignore them until we find the King & Riku. _

_ I know it wasn’t just the three of us back home but everyone else is just fragments. There’s grown up voices. Authoritative ones. I can’t place faces, nor names to them. Like everything else up to this point, it’s all subject to change. _

_ I’ve been wondering how Riku is doing. We were always friends, but that didn’t mean we didn’t have our fair share of squabbles. The tension was always there, and it had nothing to do with Kairi. _

_ I’d always lost the race. Never won a single time. Nor our “fights”, which seem so childish now. They always wondered why I occasionally took our games seriously. I remember one time I practiced for four days straight, jumping over every obstacle. He got me no problem. I couldn’t just scratch the back of my head and look away. Then there were their faces. Riku didn’t have much to say, and Kairi? “You’ll always be my number one Sora! It’s all just a game, anyways.” I didn’t want to be him. I just wanted to match him. _

_ When we squared off in Hollow Bastion I still felt lower. I’m not sure anything could have prepared me. But then I beat him. I actually did it. Twice over, in fact! Sometimes you don’t believe your capable of something until you make it real. That’s what I believe. _

_ Now we’re equals, and no one can say different. I just wanna see him again. Face to face. Maybe he’d say sorry. I’d forgive him! What I really want is a do-over. No jealousy this time. I’ve got this long winding road ahead of me, but I just know I’ll track him down again. I know deep down he’s a good person. He’s good enough for me. _


	2. Chained

“Sora, you’re a good guy. I don’t have to be real to see how real your feelings are. That’s good enough.”

_ I don’t want to say I was surprised because I thought I had seen it all. I guess I was wrong. _

_ Everytime I see him, all I can say is his goddamn name. There’s so much I wanna articulate and then I just freeze up. It’s become our messed up way of saying goodbye. _

_ I just can’t get over the fact that the Riku in here isn’t the real one. Opens up so many questions, doesn’t it? I wonder how many versions we’ve chewed through. If he’s not the real Riku, then what am I? I can’t remember who I was, and I barely know where I’m going. _

_ Namine says she can fix me, but I’m not even sure if I want that. This all happened. It was real. I don’t know even who I’ll be when I come out on the other side! I know I was a good guy, and I am a good guy, but I don’t know if I’ll be this guy. THIS version of me. _

_ Speaking of versions of different people, I remember Kairi. Red-headed girl. We used to be so damn protective of her. I hope she’s doing okay. _

_ This one’s going into a bottle. I’m not sure where it’ll end up. Maybe I’ll dump it in Atlantica before I have to go. It’ll probably be wiped away, but that’s fine. It existed.  _

  
  



	3. After Waking / Before Reuniting

_ I remember a demon at The End of the World. He couldn’t leave, and was mad, and scary, but mostly because of how illogically logical he seemed. Given all the monsters we had faced up to that point, I was expecting something a little less, you know, traditional. He didn’t have weird heart tattoos, and appeared to be acting of his own volition. He was a quintessential boogeyman. I could have seen something like him under my bed when I was little. _

_ I asked Chip and Dale and they told me he was called Chernabog. That name just rolls up the tongue like black tar, doesn’t it? I think why he sticks out in my mind is because of, well, Riku. He doesn’t have the privilege of facing a darkness so defined. _

_ I see traces of him everywhere. In how Scar bullied others, or even in the Timeless River. Donald got jealous for a second there, when we had to go. His eyes glimmered with the thought of being someone like the King. I’m not blaming him! It was a small moment, yet an important one. Envy. Seeing the same sort of process over and over makes me understand it more. It is so easy to delude yourself into thinking you deserve to be the hero of another person’s story. Their life’s script wasn’t written for you.  _

_ I’ve been ruminating on all this stuff ever since I woke up. Maybe it’s cuz he’s not around, or maybe it’s because I feel like a new person. Who knows! You just begin to see patterns when you travel so much.  _

_ I know somewhere he’s watching over me. That might sound cliche as hell, but I know it’s true. He’s always around even when he’s not around. Maybe he’s watching under me. Say I was in danger. Maybe he’d burst out of the ground! Be my knight in shining armor. I don’t really need one but the fantasy’s still there. I hope Jiminy doesn’t read these after I give them to him. I’d probably come off as a crazy person. _

  
  
  



	4. Bated Breath

_ We were on a beach, just not the tropical kind we’re used to, or used to be used to. It looked lonely, but I didn’t care. No one was around either. Can’t say that happens often. _

“If there was anyone I did this all for, it was you.”

_ My head was on his shoulder. _ I_’m not sure I totally believed him, but I was too happy to care. _

“If didn’t have someone who cared about me I would have just been swallowed up.”

“It was _ you _ that made it through, though. You were always the strong one.” _ He needed to know his worth. _

“I guess. I just wish I didn’t believe strong meant ‘alone’.”

_ We stared at the water for awhile. I skipped a couple stones. Given how little time we had before to talk, you’d think we wouldn’t be able to stop talking. Then again Riku was never the talkative type. “Actions speak louder than words”, and all that. Eventually we picked up where we left off. He made the first move. _

“I used to despise you. You didn’t have to be strong, you didn’t have to be kind. You were just—-you. I think that’s what was supposed to win out in the end.” _ I guess he was jealous too. That’s what really surprised me, out of everything he said. I didn’t think people like him got jealous. Maybe overprotective. Wouldn’t that be because of insecurity? Maybe we were never so different. _

“I mean, we ended up next to each other in the end, right? Then again, this might not be the end.”

_ A little more silence. I didn’t want to rush things. I think he was trying to get every word right. _

“The King told me endings are just the birth of new beginnings.” 

“Exactly! Same sentiment.”

“Sora, what does _ this _ beginning look like for you?” _ Awfully direct. _

“What do you mean?” _ I was afraid of misconstruing his simple question. _

_ Riku started tussing and turning. _ “Who do you see being in it with you? What are you gonna be doing? You know. That sort of thing.” _ He started lightly tapping his foot. It was like when I bite my lip. Eases the tension. _

_ Maybe he didn’t do it intentionally, but I felt like he was putting me on the spot. I shouldn’t have seen it that way. He wouldn’t judge. _ “I see it with you a-and Kairi, and everybody else!” _ A fucking idiotic response. _

_ It was like when the morning birds peak out with their little beaks to see if it is safe to go outside. If that was Riku, he’d rarely peak outside. Maybe he’d just starve to death. That sounds awfully dark. I don’t mean it that way. _

“Oh. Okay.” _ I gave him the wrong answer. _

_ There was still enough time to turn it around. _“Wait, what did I say?” 

“Nothing bad, it just wasn’t very specific.”_ The shrug with the swaying of his hands killed me a little inside. _

_ I punched his arm to lighten the mood. _“So what seems specific to you, Mr. Serious Guy?”

_ Riku began to reshuffle. _“Spending your life with someone you love.” 

“Who do you love?” _ I’m not sure I had it in me to say it first. _

_ He just looked at me and held his breath. His lips let out a whisper of a sigh. His eyes darted back and forth a couple times, but he seemed as though he was trying to look at me, not through me. Like there wasn’t supposed to be anything beyond. _

_ “ _ I think—-I think I love _ you _ . Specifically. You don’t have to feel the same way So---” 

_ I hushed his doubt, my doubt, our doubt----I hushed it with a kiss. “ _ I _ do _feel the same way. The same exact damn way.” 

“I guess life couldn't be more perfect then.” _ He let out a nervous chuckle. I had never heard him fragile like that. There’s a first time for everything, or so I figure. _

_ Me putting my head on his shoulder morphed into him putting his arm around me. After that we just stayed there. There was no world to save, no evil to slaughter. For so long it was us against each other, then against the world, but we had to face it all separately. Now things were gonna be different, and they were gonna stay that way. We’d make sure of it. _

  
  



End file.
